wee hoep

I had a message from a 419, This lucky day is mine, all mine…

Everyone knows about the 419 scam. Well. Almost everyone.

You know, the “I am TRIEENTA UNSTALE UBUNTU of teh (sic) NIGERIAN FIRST NATIONAL BANK and would write you this day to speak of a business proposal” one. Promises of millions. You just send $1000 by Western Union blah blah.

Mike Berry’s book “Greetings in Jesus Name” is a wonderful saga of playing these buggers at their own game, and his site, http://www.419eater.com/ should be mandatory reading for first time net users.

So I was digesting The ‘diff’s freecycle, well, digest today and ran across this suspect package:

————————————8< ------------------------------------------------- Wanted Laptop for Doctor in Nigera Posted by: (removed) Wed May 23, 2007 10:06 am (PST) Hi I exchange regular emails with a Doctor in Nigeria. He is only able to access the internet from a cyber- cafe; a cyber cafe that attracts many perpetrators of the scams known as 419 - and which is often raided by the police. His name is Dr. Ola and he desperately wants to have his own laptop, so he is not dependent on the cyber-cafe to send and receive his emails and to do his work. He is also under considerable threat to his life because of his work/association with the Nigerian Economic and Finance Crimes Commission, whose main purpose is to stop the spammers sending out hoax emails - and which has given Nigeria such a bad name throughout the Internet world. If anyone has a laptop that works reasonably well - and has its own internal modem - I would be so very grateful. I can arrange to collect it very easily (I live near Blackwood). I have told Dr Ola all about this freecycle mailing list and I promised him that I would post a message to see if anyone can help. Many thanks Warmest Regards (removed) ----------------------------------------8<-------------------------- Could this be a sign of a new "reverse proxy 419" or am I buying in to the stereo-hype? (edit) - After reading a bit more after posting this, I ran across this gem. (C) http://www.419eater.com/

“I’m afraid the staff have absconded sir…”

Tom Baker reading out text messages was a genius idea. Having a roboticised version of a cult figure reading out silly haikus to random numbers from the phone book was so much fun.

So its not surprising that we now see other celebrity voice-derived products.

http://voco.uk.com/ have possibly the best yet. Stephen Fry coaxing you gently from slumber in his finests Jeeves and Wooster tones.

Who else can step forward and be immortalised in tacky gadgetry?

Answers on a postcard…

What’s he building in there?

It seems that “The people who live upstairs” in my flat have decided to extend their party to throughout today too.

This started roughly 9.30 – ish last night, and continued into 8am when I left for work. Although the music had stopped by then and they decided to play agsty emo wank on a shitty guitar.With a amp. And someone who couldn’t play. Or sing.

I’m all for parties on the weekends, hell who isn’t, but whenyou’ve got to be up early for work and al the shitty balls that comes with having a weekend job, it can get annoying when people are just too drunk/ignorant to be respectful to other people who live in the same house. This added to the fact that their shower overleaks and is causing our celing to come down (They know and don’t give a poo) is making for one angry foo.

So…how can I get back at the fuckers with devious tricks? *horns appear* I need to mess up some bitches.

Here are my plans so far…

KIll Them.

Sneak upstairs and nick their fuse

Buy a  Camel Spider and release it into their  flat.

Do a poo in their water supply.

Kill Them.

Change their locks.

Leave a ox heart in their air vents.

Kill Them

Anyone else got any ideas? I would burn the fucksies, but then my flat would go too.

it all seems so obvious now…

White Town – Your Woman.

I love this record. Ever since Mark and Lard, then kings of evening Radio 1 played the obscure bedroomy demo its been etched into my head. Daa da dada daa dada daa daa daa. You know it. We all know it.



Oh them.

The tune, featured on the “Abort, Retry, Fail…” ep, is over a decade old. And only today, do I realise that its a guy singing.

Just tell me what you’ve got to say to me,
I’ve been waiting for so long to hear the truth,
It comes as no surprise at all you see,
So cut the crap and tell me that we’re through.

Now I know your heart, I know your mind,
You don’t even know you’re being unkind,
So much for all your highbrow Marxist ways,
Just use me up and then you walk away,
Boy you can’t play me that way.

Well I guess what you say is true,
I could never be the right kind of girl for you,
I could never be your woman.

When I saw my best friend yesterday,
She said she never liked you from the start,
Well me, I wish that I could claim the same,
But you always knew you held my heart.
And you’re such a charming handsome man,
Now I think I finally understand,
Is it in your genes?, I don’t know,
But I’ll soon find out, that’s for sure,
Why did you play me this way?

Well I guess what you say is true,
I could never be the right kind of girl for you,
I could never be your woman.

Well I guess what they say is true,
I could never spend my life with a man like you,
I could never be your woman.

Shocked, shocked I was. Not at the artistic and poetic implications. Oh no.

I was shocked that it took me 10 years to notice…

Believe it or not, disbelievers, White Town is still going. A delightful bleep-o-rock fest awaits.

check it all out at www.whitetown.co.uk

doing it, his way.

Gotta Love it