BBC Chief Insists “Rabid Dog Must Stay”
Posted by jay | Filed under Uncategorized
(Reuters) Despite an outcry by staff of unpopular children’s television program “Blue Peter”, BBC Chief Mark Thompson has decreed that the diseased animal that resides as the shows current pet will remain there until it’s death.
“Foamy”, as he is affectionately known by the dozens of children who watch the show, was voted in unanimously via phone and internet vote earlier in 2008. However the animal was mistakingly never cleared for a rabies vaccination, and picked up the virus in an episode that attempted to educate and entertain children about the dangers of playing in sewers.
Since becoming infected, Foamy has bitten at least 2 of the presenters as well as a cameraman, producer and a teenager forced to endlessly run cups of coffee whilst on work experience. A case where Foamy bit all members of Westlife was cleared when it was discovered this was prior to the rabies, and has been put down simply to spite.
“We’ve had too many press disasters with regards to the fixing of phone in competitions recently” explained Thompson, “if we remove the dog now, we’ll never hear the end of it”. The animal has since been put under police protection to ensure that a vigilante member of the production crew isn’t able to pervert the course of justice, possibly with a hammer.
Blue Peter has been running since 1958, boring generations of teenagers and pretending to be some kind of national institution.
The International So & So’s strike again! [DIFF-003]
Posted by edocronian | Filed under Uncategorized
Here is the fruit of a lazy Sunday afternoon….
The International So & So’s - Belleville Swellville
How much funk can you fit into 6 minutes?
Posted by edocronian | Filed under Uncategorized
This much. Oh yes.
If anyone can ID any of the lovely, lovely records in this mix, hit the wiki
Just when you think its all been done before…
Posted by edocronian | Filed under Uncategorized
Horoscopes…
Posted by edocronian | Filed under Uncategorized
…with Curious Jay…
Aries (March 21-April 19). Dreams, wishes, and fantasies about bacon are strong now. You may be infatuated with someone you meet at this time, only to be disappointed later when you discover that the person does not run linux as his operating system nor does he care about open-source software. Your well thought-out rants on the evils of Micro$oft will fall on deaf ears, console yourself in knowing that you could probably “pwn” that “n00b” in a match of Quake 2. Your balls hurt.
You are simply not seeing people objectively now. Your imagination is very active and creative, your Harry Potter/Starship troopers fanfic will rise to third place on your favorite hentai website. Neck beards and MMPORGS are still unfashionable, but you still hold on dearly to the hope that someday, someone will fall in love with your guild raid skills.
Taurus (April 20-May 20). A need for solitude and a disinclination to socialize or get distracted from more pressing matters colors your mood. There is a strong chance your cat will drown in a horrible dish washer accident, it will not go to heaven because of it’s inherently evil nature. That rash on your thigh is not going away, especially if you keep picking at it. Stay away from Scorpio’s today, they’re in a rather bad mood today because of that whole sand incident.
Your relationship with your parents might take a dive today, remind them who holds the key to the gun rack and to shut the fuck up. You are feeling rather somber. Your job still sucks.
Gemini (May 21-June 21). Giving and receiving appreciation, love, and happiness come into your life now. You will be approached with a lucrative business arrangement over the internet by African royalty in some kind of trouble, it’s highly reccomended that you accept their deal because it’s a dead cert. You are moved to express your affections more openly than usual. You will experience some car trouble and it’ll be all your fault, say goodbye to your legs.
Your mother wants you over for Christmas, but you still cant forgive her for what happened last year. That bitch. Your pokemon collection will rise 5% in value, now is a good time to sell.
Cancer (June 22-July 22). This is an excellent time to eliminate whatever is unnecessary in your life. Some asshole with a neckbeard will start stalking you and try to convince you of the evils of some corporation and of the virtues of “open-source”, whatever the hell that is. Kick him in the groin and he’ll go away.
Something lost, hidden, or forgotten may come to light. But you’ll quickly remember why you forgot about it in the first place. Because it’s rubbish. Your lucky numbers are 1, 5 and pi.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22). You have to be careful not to take things “too far’… This is when your inner fears or self doubts could cause you to take actions you’ll later regret. You will spontaneously develop a brand new fetish involving miniature boats and a particularly sassy looking teddy bear. Your stomach will start to itch at around 4 PM. The good news is that the itching will fade within 10 minutes, the bad news is that the itching will be replaced by pure agonizing pain as your insides churn into liquid shit. You will find a penny on the floor and you’ll be very happy about that. Your lucky direction is south east.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). I’m sure you’re well aware that this is when the universe is pushing you to take your ideas forward and obtain greater states of girth. That dream is back again, the one where you viscously murder everyone you love. Don’t worry, it doesn’t mean anything. But to be on the safe side you should refrain from being in a room with somebody you care about where tools of manslaughter are readily available. You should get yourself a puppy, puppies are awesome. These horoscopes are getting shorter.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). I can’t write this crap who the hell reads this anyway, i bet if i leave this line here the proof-reader won’t even notice.
Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). Some dipshit mixed sand with your vaseline. Your anus is bleeding. Aside from that, things are great! Your brilliant business plan involving deep sea oysters and cheap, cheap African labour is nearing completion. In a few years you’ll be able to retire from this rather dull lion taming job and follow your exciting dreams to become an accountant. You should capitalize on your bleeding anus and dye some of your old white t-shirts a pleasing reddish-brown colour.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). Ok, so you weren’t to know she was a close relative. Its not as if anyone told you until it was too late. Is it so wrong to be with the one you love? Its probably best to go down the clinic though, this world doesn’t need yet another mutant on its hands.
Just because they give you those looks in the streets, doesn’t mean they’re not jealous. There’s a lot of kinky moves you can pull off with two wooden legs afterall.
Capricon (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). Chin up, the world isn’t all against you. So you’re stuck in a job you hate.. you think your ‘friends’ are conspiring against you.. that lump just isn’t going away? Things will change, its only a matter of time. They can’t stay this bad forever.. can they?
Ok so maybe they can. Maybe this life just isn’t for you afterall. There’s a shotgun in the cupboard and its a nice afternoon. I hear the local kindergarten is only down the road. If you’re gonna go out, you might’s well go out on a high.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). The birds are singing, and there’s not a cloud in the sky. Yes, for you the world is your oyster. You’re the one that every guy wants to be, and every girl wants to be with. But you hit it pretty hard last night, so occasionally those facts switch places, and this morning your head isn’t as sore as your ass. But you kinda like that don’t you. Maybe its time to tell everyone what they already guessed last summer.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20). The time you have been waiting for draws ever closer. Tonight, the bourgeoisie pigs will squeal as your righteous proletariat comrades sear their flesh with the mighty blade of the communist revolution. Or maybe “Lost”™ is on. Yeah, that’s it.
Thediff Dot Net on Facebook. yes. really.
Posted by edocronian | Filed under Uncategorized
Anyone who knows me knows my personal opinion on this, but, since the world of small talk, gossip and close friends birthday reminders now revolves around this damned site, I feel that The Diff should only oblige and open its addled hivemind to new and exciting web 2.0 fubar opportunities and get down with “generation, meh”.
By which of course I mean join facebook.
Catch us there as: “Thediff Dot Net”
In the meantime, I have a sudden urge to bludgeon a .com speculator with a guitar hero controller.
I couldnt think of a snappy title for this one…
Posted by edocronian | Filed under Uncategorized
Konichiwa Wiki-San! // こんにちは! 私の友人 Wiki!
Posted by edocronian | Filed under Uncategorized
TheDiff.net, for better or worse, now has its own wiki.
>>> here <<
You know. The one you can edit yourself.
I’m sure this will be the cornerstone of our next dastardly plan, which will manefest itself as soon as irrelephant sets up the call…
*cue laughter and wobble board thunder*
the end of the world
Posted by irrelephant | Filed under Uncategorized
it’s a grey day at the end of a grey week. the whole world is on edge, teeth bared and neck-hair bristling, waiting for something to appear over the horizon. we’re all waiting, too. we growl at each other, snapping at the exposed hind-quarters of even our closest friends, even though smile (toothily) when they lock eyes with us, daring us to try again.
at the bar last night, the doom-saying prophet cornered my brother and i. nothing unusual in that. we toasted to one another with beer and bourbon, and lamented the cruel failures of psychoanalysis. then “dancing queen” came on, and the prophet fell to boogeying with a passion. matthew, bettina and i slipped outside.
Why isn’t the world like this?
Posted by edocronian | Filed under Uncategorized
